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That’s what I’m doing.  It’s what I’ve done almost all day long.  In my hotel room (did you know that Marriott is owned by a Mormon, thus the Bible AND the Book of Mormon in each room?), in a coffee shop (where I ran into a gal whose dad I work with at SC and a couple of midwesterns that love Jesus), in a Prius (yes, I upgraded the rental and it was AWESOME!), on a beach (MORE AWESOME), in an airport ale house (no ale consumed, not a fan, although I ordered some as a belated birthday gift for a cousin).  Soon, I will be sitting at the terminal gate and then on a plane.  Then another airport and another terminal gate and another airplane, another rental and 3 more restaurants for meetings (although two will be fun meetings).

I’m tired.  I’ve been sitting a long time.

I’ve not been myself for a long time and I’ve spent time today thinking about that a bit.  I don’t really know what set me off my course, but I was lost.  I hurt.  I was sad and lonely.  I was simply not right.  I finally came to the point where I was so miserable I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I was tired of sitting in my office working until 1 am because I felt I had nothing else.  I was tired of sitting on my couch watching the same movies over and over and over, not wanting to sit anywhere else.  I was tired of sitting being miserable. 

So I got some help.  I cannot believe the change.  I’m not sure what was at hand, but I’m becoming myself again.  Thank God!

I love God.  That never changed.  It was hard to talk to Him though for a long time.  No reason why, I just didn’t have the words.  I felt like I was talking in a vacuum, knowing that even though I felt that, it wasn’t true.  It was almost like I was watching myself struggle in my faith and life.  Being able to converse with God again is as refreshing as a cool sweet lemonade on a sweltering Kansas summer day.  Wow.  It is goooooood.

I smile again and I mean it.  Sometimes I’m tired and want to sit.  That’s OK.  I can now sit and talk with God and that’s OK and far from where I was. 

God continues to provide, even when I don’t know how to talk with Him, let alone how to ask Him to provide, or what I even need. 

God is good.  I’m not worthy, but I am now happy to sit and be.  Happy to sit and be with God.

June 2012
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